Let's Free Katie Holmes

OMG NOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

2006-12-14T06:44:00.000-08:00

After finishing posting that last rant about TinyTom, I found this.............SAY IT AIN'T SO!?!?

Yes, I dropped off the face of the earth..

2006-12-14T06:41:00.000-08:00

...why? Because if aliens can create babies, then I can take a much deserved step back from TinyTom-hating and see it for what it is. In the month I've been away, I have discovered he's STILL fucking creepy, an asshole and has managed to forever cement himself into his wedding photos as officially taller than his bride (who naturally towers over him). What kind of a dweeb does this?

Darn, she still exists!

2006-11-17T00:12:00.000-08:00

And she's cute!

Should We All Retire Until the Divorce?

2006-10-30T08:49:00.000-08:00

US EXCLUSIVE: Tom and Katie's Rep Confirms November 18 Wedding www.splashnews.com

After a year and a half of anticipation, on October 20, friends and family of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise finally got what they have been waiting for: a wedding invitation. Us has learned exclusively that guests were notified late in the day to be free the weekend of November 16-19. The couple's rep, Arnold Robinson, confirms the wedding will take place November 18 in Italy--"All those details are correct," he says--and tells Us "proper security measures are being taken" to keep the vows private.

The invites are just the latest detail scratched off the couple's "I do" to-do list. Italian designer Giorgio Armani has confirmed to Us that he will create Holmes' wedding dress. "When I am asked by a friend to make a wedding wardrobe, it goes straight to my heart," Armani, who will also whip up Cruise's wedding wear, tells Us. "It really is an honor to play a small role in that milestone moment."

It's a moment that's been a long time coming--Holmes, 27, and Cruise, 44, have been engaged since June 2005. And for months, Cruise's stock answer to wedding-date questions was, "Summer," then, as summer passed, "Soon!" But now that everything is falling into place, a source tells Us, "They are so excited!"

Didn't they say the same about Brad and Angie?!

2006-10-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

Cruise and Holmes to Wed at Clooney's Villa?

Celebrity couple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are reportedly planning to marry at pal George Clooney's idyllic villa by Lake Como, Italy next month.

The loved-up pair will not be having a Scientologist wedding -- opting for a civil ceremony to be performed by the local mayor at Villa Oleandra, Laglio.

A source tells British newspaper the Daily Mirror, "The wedding is scheduled for mid-November. Kate had looked at various hotels but the venue is to be George's villa."

NO Posh NO!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

Stay away from the freaks and Xenu-warriors!

Thanks to the people at People Magazine...

2006-10-04T02:07:00.000-07:00

Should Katie Wear Heels Next to Tom?

Is it our imagination or is Katie Holmes growing? Recent spottings of the new mom seem to suggest that as she is slimming down, she also getting taller. Just look at these two pix of her and Tom this past week! She is towering over him. Yes, it's probably due to her new super high YSL pumps, but we think it's great to see Katie not afraid of dwarfing her larger-than-life mate. The truth of the matter is that in bare feet, they are both pretty much the same size (5'9"-ish) (as evident from photos of Katie in flats). What do you think? Is it okay to wear high-heels and make your man look short?

NO NO NO NO NO NO!

2006-10-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are to star in a film together.
Since giving birth to daughter Suri in April, Katie has been looking to re-launch her film career and it now seems that she and fiancé Tom will star in a joint project.
A source told Life and Style Weekly magazine: "Tom is looking for a movie that will make the most of their chemistry.
"He's devoting himself to putting together a project that will not only make Katie a bona fide star, but will put him back in the good graces of the movie-going public."

Haven't they been acting all along????

Chris Klein says he's NOT Suri's father...

2006-09-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

Yet...

I Hope She's Getting Paid A Lot!

Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise and Suri Cruise recently graced the pages of Vanity Fair after months of speculation if the baby even existed. In fact there is still much speculation on whether the baby belongs to Tom or Chris Klein. Chris recently laughed off rumors and said,

"I've never had anyone ask me that before. It's definitely him, and they look so beautiful. I'm really happy for them."

Tom apparently doesn't want to stop with just Suri. He wants Katie to have yet another baby and she has agreed as soon as they get married.

A source said: "She loves being a mum and can't wait to do it again. But first, she wants to be Tom's wife - so they've made a pact."

Translation, they renegotiated their contract. Katie Holmes is gonna end up so effed up it's not even funny. Fast forward to twenty years and bitch is going to be living in some decrepit mansion talking to her hundreds of pet birds.

A Much Needed Re-Post to Martin Holmes...

2006-09-26T05:05:00.000-07:00

Martin Holmes, Where ARE You?

Dear Mr. Holmes, You raised your daughter to be a strong, beautiful person who makes wise decisions and lives her own life. You helped heal her when she got hurt and you've always been there for her. Katie has NEVER come across as a snobby hollywood-starlett and I think it's because she has a great family who has loved her and nutured her.

So, I ask the question: where are you? Is your daughter actually ok? If anyone can reach her, it has to be you! Her fans believe she is in grave danger hanging out with nutso Mr Glib Tom Cruise and his gang of scientology freaks (including Katie's new BFF Jessica Rodriguez).

Help. Is she ok? Can WE do anything?

Mr Holmes, help the world recover your daughter and help your daughter recover herself.

Thank you,
A fan.

Victoria Beckham should know better!

2006-09-26T04:02:00.000-07:00

Holmes to play Victoria Beckham

24/09/2006 - 13:07:05

Katie Holmes is tipped to play celebrity pal Victoria Beckham in a new biopic of soccer superstar David Beckham.

Holmes and her fiance Tom Cruise are close friends with the British pair, but while movie bosses were keen to cast the Batman Begins star, Cruise will not be playing Beckham because of their "marked physical differences".

An insider says: "Tom has a brilliant grasp of what the public want to see and thought David's story was wonderful.

"A football star emerges from humble origins, there's drama within the matches and romance in his love affair with Victoria at the height of her pop star fame.

"At the time Tom was seeing quite a lot of David and Victoria. The quartet are very close friends and the Beckhams would only be happy about their story being used if Tom and Katie were involved."

He let her out of the house...

2006-09-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

...only if she promised not to let go!

Kate Holmes has promised another baby to Tiny Tom

2006-09-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

Looks like she's using it as ultimatum material, but who knows, it could be because she loves him, right?

Is She Still into Acting?

2006-09-19T00:47:00.000-07:00

Since Tom was dumped by Paramount and Katie has no films lined up (according to IMBD) where does this leave them? Unemployed with 3 kids to raise? Now, I know their level of unemployment isn't like regular people's, but still. She's not working, he's not working, eventually SOMEONE has to pay for their galavanting around, the wedding, and all the damn coffee she drinks!

Is this why they were upset that Suri photos didn't fetch a huge price in the early days?

Sigh...

2006-09-14T05:43:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

2006-09-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

I guess she signed the pre-nup cuz Katie Holmes is allegedly getting married!

So now what?

2006-09-11T04:50:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm crazy or have devoted my life to Suri Cruise (I haven't, honestly!) but I truly wonder what is next in the crazy story of the Cruise-Holmes charade.

I am willing to admit, this is a gorgeous baby!

September 7th--Is she REAL?

2006-09-11T04:47:00.000-07:00

Suri has surfaced, but so have new rumours...and I didn't invent any of them!

What? Still no Suri?

2006-08-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

At least we know Tom Cruise has been dumped by SOMEONE lately!!

Vanity Fair? Maybe...maybe not!!

2006-08-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

Suri's Fall Debut?

by Natalie Finn
Aug 9, 2006, 5:00 PM PT

She captured one of the last images of John Lennon and made art out of Whoopi Goldberg lying in a bathtub of milk. But, more importantly, did Annie Leibovitz take the first destined-for-publication pictures of Suri Cruise?!

According to a Page Six item in Wednesday's New York Post, the famed portraitist has photographed Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' kid, and the pics are going to be published in Vanity Fair sometime this fall.

But try getting anyone to admit that Suri, now 113 days old with nary a magazine cover to her name, even sat (or drooled, slept or crawled) for Leibovitz, or that her coming out party is, in fact, being chronicled in the pages of Vanity Fair.

"We cannot comment on where photos might be released at this time," Arnold Robinson, one of Cruise's reps, told E! News, leaving the veil of secrecy firmly in place. Vanity Fair also said that the magazine does not comment "on rumors or possible future issues."

A spokesperson for Leibovitz's studio told Reuters that the photographer's studio is closed for August and that they "know nothing about this."

The demand for pics of the littlest Cruise (which, reportedly, could go to the highest bidder for anywhere between $2 million and $5 million) has inspired the Website WhereIsSuri.com, prompted Us Weekly to keep a running clock tallying the time that has passed since Suri's birth, and has turned Suri-spotting stories into hot commodities.

Some of the privileged few who say that they have viewed the mystery child include King of Queens star and fellow Scientologist Leah Remini; Jada Pinkett Smith and hubby Will Smith; Steven Spielberg; and, most recently, Cruise's ex, Penélope Cruz.

Joe Dolce, editor of Star magazine (which recently took the initiative, putting together a composite shot of what Suri might look like), told the New York Times last month that People--which bagged the first (legal) pictures of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt for the reputed price of $4.1 million--would ultimately get first dibs on the Suri pics.

"People is courting them, and they'll probably get them," Dolce said. "They've got the money, and probably the best relationship with [Cruise's publicist] Paul Bloch. Tom also wants the veneer of mainstream morality around him, and People would be the best place for that to happen."

Well, Vanity Fair wouldn't be such a bad place, either. The worst that can happen is Suri gets accused of being a Democrat.

But even People inquired, "What gives?" when it comes to TomKitten's prolonged absence from the public eye. Pictures of Brangelina's bundle of joy hit the Internet seven days after she was born in Namibia.

And in the meantime, Us Weekly editor Janice Min pointed out that, while Suri hasn't graced any magazine covers, Cruise and Holmes aren't hurting for face time.

"Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes get on the covers of magazines because they haven't shown their baby," she told the Times. "So, who's really getting played here? We're just pawns."

Baby Suri Photos--For REAL!?!?!

2006-08-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

Thursday, August 10, 2006

BABY SURI PHOTOS!!!

Major props to X17online for the first pics of baby Suri chilling by the window of Tom Cruises mansion.

The New York Post is reporting that Vanity Fair magazine forked over the dough necessary to secure the rights to the first official photo of TomKat's love child - to be taken by celeb photographer Annie Leibovitz. Mom Katie Holmes has been spotted out and about, though never with baby Suri.

Still No Suri?

2006-08-17T03:36:00.000-07:00

Sigh...does anyone know what is going on? For real? Can ANYONE shed light on this crazy situation??? Where the hell is this kid? Shiloh's already been made into a wax figure at Madame Tussads for crying out loud!!!!!

Oh Katie, what have you done?

Math

2006-07-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

Brainwashed female follower (Katie Holmes) + beach ball + Crazed man (Tom Cruise) + a sketchy "leaked to the press" birth certificate + a purchased sonogram+ random pink stroller + Leah Remini's eye witness (normal sized) report = does NOT a baby make!

'Nuff said!

Katie...wake up! Those vitamins ain't Flinstones!!

Martin Holmes, Where ARE You?

2006-07-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

Leah Remini...Normal-Sized Suri Sighting

2006-07-20T03:17:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of ABC News

July 19, 2006 — The mystery that is Suri Cruise has been revealed … to "King of Queens" actress Leah Remini.

A friend of Tom Cruise and a fellow Scientologist, Remini tells Us Weekly that she saw the 3-month-old girl several weeks ago.

"She's a newborn and normal size," Remini said in an interview that will be featured in the new issue of the magazine that hits newsstands Friday.

"Tom and Kate … want to have a life and raise their baby," Remini said. "They're normal parents."

Suri is "a cross between the two, [with] dark, straight hair and dark eyes," another pal said to the magazine.

No Sign Yet of Suri Photo

While the public is still likely to clamor until a photo — such as the one of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's daughter Shiloh — is published, it's still unclear whether that will happen in the near future.

In the weeks after Suri's birth on April 18, Us Weekly and other magazines reported that representatives for Cruise and Holmes had contacted them about bidding for photo rights, but those negotiations quickly ended, raising a shroud of mystery.

What's more, Suri has yet to be seen in public, and until Remini stepped forward, none of the parents' friends had said that they'd seen the child.

Given the fact that Cruise and Holmes are such high-profile stars, the absence of Suri is unusual.

The daughter of Brooke Shields and Chris Henchy — Grier Hammond Henchy — was born the same day as Suri.

In recent weeks, she has been spotted in Los Angeles several times and pictured in various publications.

Us Weekly began running a clock to tick off the days since the child's birth. The Break.com Web site is offering a $100,000 reward for the first video of the baby with her mom and dad.

______________________________________________________________

Normal sized? What the hell kind of comment is that? Don't you usually say things like "omg the baby looks just like the mother/father!" etc.? Isn't normal-sized the type of comment you use when the child is fugly or it doesn't exist? Geez peeps, get your stuff together! How are we, the concerned public, armed with our google toolbars, supposed to EVER believe this was a credible "eye witness report"???

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Present Baby Suri Hotline

2006-07-19T01:23:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Postcards from the Pug Bus

By Phil Maggitti
Jul 13, 2006, 07:57

HOLLYWOOD - Tom Cruise has finally responded to growing speculation that his alleged daughter Suri does not exist. Mr. Cruise announced yesterday through the pubic relations office at the Scientology Centre in Hollywood that he has authorized the centre to establish a Baby Suri hotline to provide the press and public with information about the reclusive infant.

Beginning at 9:00 a.m. (PST) on Monday July 17, curious persons will be able to dial 1-900-GET-NEWS to hear Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes provide prerecorded information about their privacy-loving daughter.

"At $1.99 a minute billed automatically to the telephone number from which a call is made, this service represents a great bargain for Tom Cruise fans everywhere," said Mr. Cruise' publicist, Paul Bloch.

Persons calling 1-900-GET-NEWS will be greeted by a cheerful message from Mr. Cruise himself.

"Thank you for calling the Baby Suri hotline," says Mr. Cruise' voice in its trademark, hyperactive fashion. "Para escuchar el menú en español, prensa el poundo keyo.

"Because your call is important to us," Mr. Cruise continues, "we have installed the following menu to help facilitate the delivery of information about Baby Suri, who wants you all to know that she is doing just great. For your protection your call may be monitored by trained Scientology operators using patented Scientology voice meters. Please listen carefully before making your selection.

To hear me explain why we didn't apply for a birth certificate for Suri in a timely fashion, even though she is progressing normally for a baby her age, press 1. To hear Kate deny rumors that Suri is anything but a normal-looking baby who is progressing as well as can be expected for a baby of her size and weight, press 2. To hear me tell a funny story about something Suri said yesterday, press 3 (new stories will be posted daily by 9:00 a.m.).

"To hear Kate describe Suri's reaction to my latest movie, Mission Impossible: 3, which is still playing in many theaters, press 4. To hear me deny that Kate is pregnant again, even though Suri is a healthy, happy baby, who is normal in every respect, press 5. To hear Kate say what a manly, devoted husband and father I am, press 6.

"To find out how you can help to prevent the rebroadcast of the South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet," which questions my manhood, press 7. To learn how Scientology can help you to achieve maximum success and happiness just like Kate, Suri, and I have, press 8, an operator will be with you to take your order shortly. To hear this menu repeated, press 9."

Mr. Cruise' approach to combating rumors about Suri is patterned after the hotline established by Brad Pitt at the height of speculation about his relationship with Angelina Jolie last year. If Mr. Cruise' hotline is a similar success, expect other celebrities to follow suit.

"If this works, I'm going to start a hotline of my own," said Paris Hilton, "and it'll be really hot. Like, if no one has made up anything about me, I can provide all my fans with fresh rumors they can discuss."

In other news, teenage golfing prodigy Michelle Wie will attempt to make history today and tomorrow by showering with the men golfers at the John Deere Classic. Although Ms. Wie is only sixteen, she can more than hold her own under the nozzle with men, and most golfing experts say it's just a matter of time before Ms. Wie is showering with men regularly.

© Copyright by the author, who wishes you to know this article was made up out of half cloth.

Enough said....There's a Clothing Line!

2006-07-19T00:51:00.000-07:00

Katie...Where Are You?

2006-07-18T00:07:00.000-07:00

A year ago, this stuff was funny. We all joked about you waking up going, "oh my f@cking god! What am I doing with this alien-worshipping freakshow?" But now, we're really worried for you. How come you can't leave Tom's compound alone? Don't you think that's a bit weird? Where's your family? Your dad could take Tom Cruise, he's only 5ft tall afterall! Heck, I could take him!

Someone get this girl some help!! Here's Katie on July 17th at the Cruise Colorado ranch. Looks like she could use a little prozac cuz I'm not sure the "vitamins" are working on her obvious depression!!

This is what love looks like...

2006-07-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

Katie, get a divorce or a brush. How on earth did you manage to fall so far??

2006-07-11T03:44:00.000-07:00

You can't convince me that this isn't a beach ball! Was the entire thing a scam???

Scientology is too much!

2006-07-11T03:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Katie Holmes (aka Kate Holmes, Katherine Holmes and/or Kate Cruise)

Please, for the love of your career, your fans and your HEALTH...get away from the Tom Cruise freak show bandwagon.

Your baby bump didn't look real...was it all a hoax?

Call Nicole...she's doing really well and could help you.

Your fans do not understand what is going on with you!

Do you need us to stage an intervention??